Luv Poem v4.2

luvThis is a luv poem
The sort to make you weep
It’s supposed to be romantic
But just makes me look a creep

I want to put into words
The feelings that I get
Every time I see you
Since that day we met

Y’know, the stuff that says
“I like your sparkling eyes
The way they crinkle when you laugh
And give me butterflies”

But I’ve never been too good at this
My feelings get in the way
And mess up all the things
That I would like to say

Of course you’re lovely
And it would be fun to jump in bed
But just as much, I’d to know
What goes on inside your head

Not in a creepy stalker way
That wouldn’t be too cool
But to really understand your mind
Or does that make me a fool?

But that never really seems to work
My messages get mixed
Communication falls apart
To the point it can’t be fixed

And after I’ve screwed things up
You won’t even be my friend
So, sadly, I now conclude
Luv Poem v4.2 must come sadly to an end

impressive153_001

s. x

And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?
And I might have thought that we were one
Wanted to fight this war without weapons
Sia – Elastic Heart

Posted in Philosophicalisticality, Poetricity, Rants, RL | Leave a comment

I don’t understand people

emotionI don’t understand people,
it’s a skill I’ve never had:
Whilst those around me
make friends and acquaintances
I hover in the background
making feeble gestures
that somehow, but not quite,
mimic badly
the social aptitude of others.

I’ve never understood
the social nuances
that come so naturally,
so matter of factly,
to those with an acuity for connecting with the crowd.
I linger on the sidelines
wishfully, wistfully watching and wondering
just how the hell they do it
when, to me, it seems an arcane art,
one I shall never master, even if I wished.

I’ve never understood how someone who likes you,
(likes you a lot)
Will then avoid you at all costs:
Never calling, contacting
or otherwise contracting to provide
a mutual, emotionally beneficial,
bilateral exchange of honesty and openness.
“I like you… but I’ll leave you guessing”,
waiting for the elusive call or contact
that says…
Well, what?
Did you miss me or not?
Are you drawing close, or running scared?
Do I back off, or push on regardless?

I’ve never understood how these things work.
How to become emotionally entangled without becoming
a mess of knots and snags;
How to tread the thin line between caring and carrying,
trust and dependence, depending and defending.

I don’t understand why hearts are so fragile when feelings are so strong.

I don’t understand why I don’t understand.
And so,
I lock the doors, batten the hatches, secure the bolts and hide myself away
and there, in my sanctuary, upon the altar of my keyboard
I perform the sacrament of absolution, exposing my emotions
to a virtual confessor.
In worldly terms: a lost cause. Who, in turning to the solace of another world –
A world where I need not offer myself as a sacrifice to emotional turbulence
and fatal indecision…

I find myself empowered to do the one thing I cannot do for real…

‘Serendipidy Haven is offering friendship’

furillen_001s. x

The stars that hang above you
are my light
But the stars that hang above you
are too bright
Jesu – The Stars That Hang Above You

Posted in Philosophicalisticality, Poetricity, Rants, RL, SL | Leave a comment

Real or replicant?

voightReal or replicant
I’m really not so sure
Am I virtually me
Or do I have a fatal flaw?

Which one is real
and which one is not?
The me I see upon screen
or the me that sits to watch?

I think I know who I really am
But sometimes I get confused.
For each of me is different
yet with my character infused.

And what is me, anyway?
Is it mortal flesh and bone;
or is it something esoteric:
soul, and thoughts, alone?

Or is it what the others see,
all those who come my way?
But they will only see the one,
the other is far away.

And which of me is in control
and calling all the shots?
Does the physical dictate the rules
or the virtual cast the lots?

Are my choices solely mine to make
or am I led by fate:
Does virtual me lead the way,
or the other choose the path I take?

Confusion reigns, I just don’t know
which one of me to trust;
for one is real, that’s true enough,
the other fake. I’m nonplussed!

There’s only one thing for it:
I’ll have to take the test.
Whichever passes will be the one,
the other: dispossessed.

So, let us ask the question:
what does real life me choose to do?
I flip the tortoise over…
And virtual me turns turtle too!

And so it seems the only way
is the ultimate test to try:
We’ll only find out just who is real,
When it’s time, to die.

forest6_001

s. x

You know I’m born to lose, and gambling’s for fools,
But that’s the way I like it baby,
I don’t wanna live for ever
Motörhead – Ace of Spades

Posted in Poetricity, RL, SL | 2 Comments

Poem?

rulesThey tell me that poems don’t have to rhyme.
well, that’s great, but
how are you to know whether
you’re reading a poem
or just a collection of words, huddled together in pleasing collaboration?:

The newspaper article that trips nicely off the tongue;
The shopping list with unexpected rhythm –
peppers, sausage, (and don’t forget the biscuits)
milk, butter, and a birthday card for Mike.

Or even this.
The scrawled musings
Of a wandering mind
Sometime after midnight.
(Tuesday, in bed).
The illegitimate offspring of an addled imagination.

Where do we draw the line?
When even the inane and ridiculous can pose as pretend Poets Laureate?:
Maize, milk powder, E203, xanthum gum, stabiliser, monosodium what-a-state.
May contain nuts.

But then again,
when we ooh and ahh at ‘works of art’
(And here I’m talking pickled sharks and unmade beds)
I’m led to the uncomfortable,
rather disquieting,
inevitable,
conclusion
that breaking the rules
can make mugs of us all.

I can only wonder
who exactly makes these rules anyway?

christmas5_001s. x

Koyaanisqatsi
Koyaanisqatsi
Koyaanisqatsi
Koyaanisqatsi
Philip Glass – Koyaanisqatsi

Posted in Poetricity, Rants | Leave a comment

Doubletalk

unstableYou ask me how I am, and I say “I’m Fine”

Increasing
Melancholia.
Floundering 
In
Negative
Emotions

You wonder how things are going, “All good”, I reply.

Actually 
Lying.
Life
Going 
Overboard 
O
Depression

Up to much? You wonder. “Busy!”, I say.

But
Uselessly, 
Silently, 
Yelling

Are you ok? You wonder. “Yes”, I reply.

No.

s. x

I was just calling to see how you were doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l… and… well… it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
Blue October – Hate Me

Posted in Poetricity, RL | Leave a comment

dancers madness and s’x on staage

dancers[Inspired by this week’s blog search terms]

Second Life : dancers madness and s’x on staage
Your world : your imagination
Across a pixellated paage
See the dancers, arms entwined
Move to the music, as of one mind
An illusion of skill; it’s just a scripted thrill
Fakery and fun, but they’re fooling no-one
And on it goes, pose after pose
After pose, after pose, after pose
After…
All is said and done
They’re not harming anyone
Madness, you say, but it’s OK
SL madness is the order of the day
We’re all crazy here
So you need never fear
The judgemental sneer
The knowing leer
The vindictive smear
We may be mad, but is that so bad
For better a mad virtual reality
Than a reality that is virtually mad
s’x on staage?
Hot sex? Hot sax? Hit six! Red sox
Everyone’s a performer, everyone’s a hit
Even the ones that are really
Pretty shit
Up on the stage; in the DJ booth
Strutting on the catwalk
Re-living imagined misspent youth
With scarlet hair and safety pin clothes
Pierced nips, pierced lips and a stud in the nose
Bikini babes and oiled up hunks
Hell’s Angel bikers and latter-day punks
The virtual world’s a staage, and we are the players
All fancy mesh clothes and alpha layers
Anything goes, without any doubt
Until that fatal moment when
We have to log out.

alice_001

s. x

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight
There is no message we’re receiving
Let me know, is your heart still beating?
The Killers – Human

Posted in Poetricity, SL | 2 Comments

Sad songs

soulsThe advantage of writing posts a few weeks in advance is that by the time they are published, their content is very often old news, which makes things so much easier when dealing with some of the more personal points I might occasionally raise, which will often have been superceded by other things by the time you come to read them. So when that personal stuff does see the light of day, it is – hopefully – history.

As I write today’s post, it would be fair to say I’m not in a particularly happy place. During the course of the last week I’ve been a bit of an emotional mess, and the normal, rational person that I prefer to be seems to have nipped off for a break from reality, leaving me somewhat nonplussed.

Some of those inworld who know me may be a little surprised to find that I am indeed human, rather than some sort of vat spawned automaton, devoid of emotion and impervious to such facile distractions, but I am indeed a normal person – perhaps more sensitive than you might imagine – cut me, and I bleed; say the wrong thing in the wrong situation, right now, and I might well burst into tears, such is my fragile state at present.

headphones_001And, of course, feeling sad and sorry for myself, I do all the usual things that most people tend to do, including that most weirdly human reaction when feeling down of seeking solace in doleful and soulful music.

Commonsense would say that the logical thing to do when feeling flat is to find a pick-me-up, something that will give you a lift and back on track again. Unfortunately, logic tends to go out of the window in these situations, and what our emotions tell us is that we need a metaphorical shoulder to cry on: It’s a kind of empathy. There’s nothing more comforting when you’re feeling miserable, it seems, than wallowing in equally miserable music.

When it comes to finding things we can relate to, whatever frame of mind we happen to find ourselves in, there are few places more suited to the purpose than SL. I’m certain that many of us flee to the virtual world when the real world becomes too much to handle, not so much because it’s an escape from reality – we can find that in a wide variety of alternative realities, from books and movies to drink and drugs – but I think it’s because SL allows us to pick and choose our escape to suit our mood and situation. Whether it’s company or solitude we seek, retail therapy or carnal delights, the open road or the anonymity of a crowded dancefloor, there will be something to which we can relate and which will perfectly mirror our feelings and needs.

Sometimes, what we need is to run away to a secluded forest grove and let the grief out; other times what we need is to run away to the circus and lose our dignity beneath the protective mask of the clown’s smiling make-up. Whatever diversion we seek, SL permits us to seek comfort, empathy, sympathy and whatever else it is we might need to get us back onto our feet and functioning again. That’s something we can’t always find in the real world, and even if we could, we’re still stuck right there in the real world – the one place where our problems and trials lurk and torment us, no matter how far we may run from them.

But, they can’t follow us inworld… They don’t have a login.

s. x

Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade—it might be too sharp
I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard,
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast
But you won’t see me fall apart
‘Cause I’ve got an elastic heart
Sia – Elastic Heart

Posted in Philosophicalisticality, RL, SL | 4 Comments

Complicated

complexityWe often talk about the complexity of SL – whether in terms of the vast array of viewer settings the user has to master, the steep learning curve required to progress, the remarkable variety and confusion of the inworld populace and topography, the often counter-intuitive processes that accompany so much of the virtual experience, or the surprisingly strong hold that virtual living can exert over our emotions, relationships and feelings. Even when broken down into its constituent parts, SL exhibits a bewildering array of challenges that residents have to deal with, right from day one.

From a technical standpoint, I’ve often thought that pinning the blame for any of SL’s perceived failure to secure and retain users upon the software or the complex nature of the interface and user environment is a bit of a cop out. Yes, it certainly is challenging and can, at times, be utterly confusing, contradictory and less than straightforward to get to grips with, but I’d argue that it’s no more difficult to master than much of the technology that we struggle with on a daily basis. For example, to become proficient at using Photoshop, Blender, Audacity, After Effects or even MSOffice requires more than a modicum of effort if we ever intend to progress beyond the most basic functionality. Even the technology most of us now take for granted can require a steep learning curve, with little in the way of help and assistance for us to fall back on – my current mobile ‘phone, for example, came in a box with no manual, no start-up guide and an assumption that I could learn all I needed to know to become proficient in its use simply by working things out for myself.

destruction_001Certainly, SL can be confusing and difficult to master, but I’d say it was very much on a par with an awful lot of applications and technology that we manage to live with, and with about the same level of support. And, if we are struggling with SL, then rather than complain about the lack of support, I can’t understand why we simply don’t do what we do with all those other tricky applications… Google, ask around, and scour the forums.

In my opinion, by far the most complicated aspect of SL is the non-technical side – essentially those areas that mimic RL so well that we find ourselves juggling with the complexities of relationships, emotional attachments and conflicts, and even moral dilemmas. It’s not something that everyone can manage to do successfully and I reckon more people leave SL as a result of problems in this area than ever do as a result of being unable to conquer the viewer’s controls.

However, real life quite definitely has the upper hand when it comes to complexity in this regard. Even the most convoluted inworld emotional roller-coasters are as nothing compared to what RL can throw at us, and whilst there are some who may thoroughly enjoy making a drama out of a crisis inworld, I doubt very much they’d feel quite up to making the same sort of fuss in a similar real world situation.

If anything, SL allows us to cope with such things far more easily than their non-virtual equivalents. In many ways, for example, it can be easier to avoid somebody inworld; secrets and subterfuge are much easier to maintain, and the protective, secure and anonymous environment provided by SL can shield us from the worst emotional storms. That’s not to say that they can’t be painful, difficult and extremely challenging, but I’d take a virtual personal crisis over a real one any day.

SL can be pretty predictable too – we often call the shots and we’re often very much in control. RL, unfortunately, doesn’t always behave in quite the same fashion. We often don’t know what’s coming in the real world, and when it does come, it can be like an express train. Even the most propitious and welcome scenarios and situations can have a sting in the tail – and unlike SL, we can’t avoid the issues by creating an alt, hiding away or hitting the mute button – we have to deal with it.

The trouble is, dealing with it – even the good stuff – isn’t always that simple.

You think SL is complicated… It’s small potatoes compared to the real thing!

s. x

Uh huh, life’s like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that’s the way it is
‘Cause life’s like this
Uh huh, uh huh that’s the way it is
Avril Lavigne – Complicated

Posted in Philosophicalisticality, RL, SL | Leave a comment

You can’t handle the truth!

goldenWell, this has been interesting!

After my shocking revelations of yesterday, I received an official communication from the Lab – It was very official, with a proper letterhead and everything, and unlike other letters they’ve sent me, it was typed – not written in wax crayon! Right across the top, it had written, in big, bold CAPITAL letters: ‘CEASE AND DESIST’ – which I think is Americanese for ‘stop!’

Apparently, all that juicy gossip I told you about the Lab and Facebook yesterday is all untrue – the made-up story by a ‘disgruntled former employee’, so the letter said. (That aside, if you can be ‘disgruntled’, I’ve always assumed it’s also possible to be ‘gruntled’, but I’ve no idea what a gruntle actually is, or whether I’d want mine removed – if anyone can enlighten me, I’d be grateful). You can imagine that I was a little put out by this: I take all sources of information for this blog in good faith, and this particular source had even said “cross my heart and hope to die”, when I asked them if what they were telling me was definitely kosher.

phone2_001That’s why I took the unorthodox step of phoning up the Lab – of course, I disguised my voice, by putting a handkerchief over the mouthpiece and wearing a false moustache – you can’t be too careful, after all. Eventually, I was put through to a Linden who questioned me at length, (about 38 metres in total), told me I’d been very bad indeed and then accused me of breaking the Golden Rule – yes, they even capitalised it with their intonation. When I told them I had no idea what the Golden Rule was, they spelled it out to me… After which, I asked them please could they just say it, because spelling was all very well, but I didn’t have a pen with me and I’d got lost after the second word. I’m guessing that most of you – it being unlikely that you’ve ever disclosed to the world at large a fake commercial secret, told to you by a disgruntled ex-employee – don’t know the Golden Rule either, so in the interests of expanding everybody’s knowledge, here is what I was told:

The Golden Rule: You must never believe anything a Linden tells you.

There you have it – you can’t say you haven’t been told now!

Anyway, I politely thanked the Linden on the other end of the phone, and taking my new-found knowledge to heart, I applied The Golden Rule and completely disbelieved what I’d just been told! It was time to take things further… All the way to the top, if I had to.

There was only one thing for it, logging in to SL, I donned a fake prim moustache and disguised my typing by putting a handkerchief over the keyboard, before setting off to find Mr Big himself: Ebbe ‘Oculus’ Linden!

That isn’t quite as easy a task as it might first appear. My attempts to get him to add me as a friend went unanswered; similarly my IMs demanding an interview appeared to fall on deaf ears; and, apart from that, the guy is as elusive as a pound coin when you need to unlock a supermarket trolley. Eventually, I was forced to loiter with intent, in a tent, intently watching and waiting for him to show up inworld, and – like a wildlife cameraman who comes back from having a quick pee behind a tree, only to catch a glimpse of the retreating hindquarters of a snow leopard, after six months hanging around in a damp, uncomfortable hide for one to show – I finally spotted his retreating hindquarters. Hurriedly pulling up my pants, I waddled after him calling futilely: “Ebbe, Ebbe… Talk to me!”

When I finally caught up, my plans were thwarted yet again. Being such a popular dude, and so important, he was thronged – thronged I tell you – with a vast multitude of people wanting to touch the hem of his, erm… jeans. I couldn’t get anywhere near him.

Thronging

Thronging

Driven to desperation, I hit the SHOUT button:

“Ebbe! IsittruethatSLhasbeensoldtoFacebookandwe’realldoomed?”,  I blurted out at the top of my typed voice.

Everyone around me fell into a horrified silence and all ‘look at targets’ turned to focus on me. Ebbe himself gave me a quizzical look with a raised eyebrow, like Mr Spock, only without the pointy ears: “Now, who on earth told you that nonsense?”, he asked.

This was my moment, I took a deep breath: “That doesn’t matter”, I said. “I just want to know the truth”.

He shook his head. “You can’t handle the truth!”, turned on his heel and walked away. That’s the last thing I remember before a bunch of Linden moles bludgeoned me to Kingdom Come, (rather a nice sim, actually), and forced me to log out.

So there you have it – draw your own conclusions. SL may or may not be doomed – probably not, my lawyers have instructed me to say, but what do I know? Apparently, I can’t handle the truth, but then again I take that with a pinch of salt…

I haven’t forgotten The Golden Rule!

s. x

I looked under chairs
I looked under tables
I’m tryin’ to find the key
To fifty million fables
The Who – The Seeker

 

Posted in Linden Love, SL, Unlikely stories | 2 Comments

The truth is out there

poopToday I can bring you an exclusive!

Shocking news about the future of SL that will rock all users to their core.

I was recently covertly approached, under unusual circumstances, by a renegade Linden who, for reasons that will become obvious, wished to remain completely anonymous, so I shall only refer to them as ‘β‘ in this article. The information they passed on to me has remained, until now, a closely guarded secret, known only to the upper echelons of The Lab, but which my contact felt needed to be disclosed to the wider SL community while there is still time. In a frank and revealing interview, which took place at a location I’m not permitted to disclose, β set out the disturbing plans that are being formulated for our favourite virtual world.

“You don’t know what it’s like there any more”, they whispered, referring to Lab HQ in Battery Street – “I used to leap out of bed with a smile on my face, have a sunshine breakfast after my morning jog along the Boardwalk, then head off to work to do something worthwhile. Now, it’s all changed…”

ma0501312aAt this point, my contact broke down sobbing. Gently, I asked them to tell me more.

“I’ve been working on my own little project, something I thought the residents would love – months I’ve spent on it – then suddenly they say to me, ‘That’s shelved, forget it!’ It’s been like that ever since Evoluti… erm, I mean Project Sansar came along.”

However, what β told me next sent a chill through my veins.

“Of course, you don’t know the worst of it… They’ve sold out!”

I asked β to explain what they meant, something they were incredibly reluctant to do, but eventually the whole sordid story came out. It seems that a controversial and underhand deal, worth millions, has taken place and SL – brace yourselves – has been sold to Facebook!

Facebook, whose recent unsuccessful foray into the virtual worlds market through their own platform, Cloud Party, seemed to have been an ill-fated flash in the pan, has decided why bother creating your own platform from scratch when there’s a perfectly good one already out there, which comes complete with its own, decently sized, user base.

I was aghast, but as my contact succinctly put it: “Why pour cash needlessly into a product that everyone thinks has no future, when someone is willing to pay a massive price just to take it off your hands?”

f3dI wanted to know more about FB’s plans for SL – the details were sketchy but undeniably worrying. The plan, my source told me is to modify SL, creating a dynamically interactive virtual option for the more traditional FB timeline and wall – tentatively named FB3D – the idea being that you can connect with your Facebook friends in a richer and more natural environment than the simple posting of status updates and photos can offer. I pumped β for more information, and things began to make far more sense: All those nonsensical games and quizzes that FB peddles in 3D form and with HUDs to link participants; avatars that match the user’s mood; the linking together of FB and SL groups and friends’ lists; and all interconnected with real world FB profiles, of course. Later down the line, there’s talk of monetisation through linden dollars, although they won’t be called that after the takeover, of course! Throw all this together in the wonderfully secure and safe environment that everybody’s favourite social network guarantees </sarcasm> and you have what seems to me, a recipe for utter disaster.

“Why do you think I took the risk of spilling the beans?”, asked my tame renegade Linden; “It’s to give you all the chance to get out while you can, because believe me, when that lot take over, anyone with a Facebook account is instantly going to have their SL details as headline news on their profile page… Can you imagine what that will mean?”

We sat, silent for a while, pondering the gravity of what had been revealed, as the realisation dawned that this truly was the beginning of a very nasty and sticky end.

s. x

Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes…again
The Doors – The End

Posted in SL, Unlikely stories | 1 Comment