Here’s a little law of physics that you would do well to remember:
The hardness of the concrete is directly proportional to the velocity at which you’re travelling when you hit it.
You’ll no doubt appreciate the delicious irony of me writing yesterday about my complete inability to safely be left in charge of any sort of moving conveyance in sl and, on the self-same same day dramatically demonstrating that i’m equally incapable of staying in control of a mechanical device in rl too.
i can now state, with the authority borne of experience, that time does indeed appear to slow down during the course of cataclysm, although sadly not to the point where it’s slow enough for you to extricate yourself from the situation, walk away to a suitably safe distance and allow the events to unfold without actively participating in the carnage.
If anyone thinks that cycling is good for you, then i’m afraid i’m going to disagree – in my humble opinion, there is something fundamentally unhealthy with any pursuit that is capable of bringing you into contact with a solid, unyielding surface at high speed! Remarkably – despite taking a fall that would have registered on the Richter Scale and being utterly convinced i’d done myself serious damage, apart from a numb little finger, (which turned out to be the result of cold weather, rather than anything else – although i did have a brief moment of panic when i thought that the reason i couldn’t feel it was because it was lying in the gutter somewhere!) – i was able to ride away, relatively unscathed. A more thorough check when i arrived home revealed a rather fetching bruise on my left elbow, together with an extremely gory complementary graze, about the size of Venezuela. All very impressive, but nothing life threatening, thank goodness!
Please don’t asked me to explain what happened overnight – i can only imagine that a troupe of drunken elephants broke in and performed a few routines from Riverdance on top of me as i slept. Today, my left arm and thigh look as though they’ve been mauled by a crazed flesh-eating zombie and i’ve discovered bits of me that i never knew existed, by virtue of the fact that they now hurt with a vengeance that the Spanish Inquisition would have been proud to claim responsibility for. My right wrist has completely ceased to function and my left shoulder is about as much use as soggy spaghetti, although if spaghetti was meant to be that painful, no-one would ever eat the stuff… this has made typing, and pretty much every other routine activity extremely ‘interesting’.
Consequently, i’ve been reduced to looking pathetic and making strange noises whenever i have to move one of my upper limbs in any way – a combination of a yelp of pain, mixed with a grunt of determination and moan of frustration – i can only hope that copious helpings of anti-inflammatories and painkillers will mean this state of affairs is only temporary… in the meantime, if i miss the odd blog or two, i hope you’ll understand!
Over in sl, we had a little debate yesterday over the way in which people respond to a simple “how are you?” –i’m not going to go over it all again here, other than to say, if you happen to fall into the camp of wanting an honest reply to that particular question, then today is probably not a good day to enquire after my state of wellbeing… you have been warned!
If you do bump into me – sympathy will be very much appreciated, but please also feel free to mock me to your heart’s content – they do say that laughter is the best medicine!
I’m the holes in your arm
When you’re feeling the shakes
I’m the lump on your head
When you step on the rake
Alice Cooper – Pain