Fashion victims

This is not a fashion blog – never has been and never will be – i simply don’t have the time, energy, knowledge, money or the inclination to spend my time hanging around clothes’ shops and then write smarmy things about them here. Besides which, i haven’t a clue when it comes to these things and i’d no doubt be advising you all to wear tea-cosies and telling you that custard yellow and pillar box red are this season’s de-facto colours to be seen in. There are plenty of sl fashion blogs, out there in the metaverse, that do an excellent job, so i’ll just stick to what i’m good at – which is, erm… umm, whatever it is that this blog achieves!

Anyway, despite that, i will be looking at fashion in this post, albeit from a slightly ‘me’ styled perspective, mainly because the festive season has, in typical sl fashion brought out some interesting items of apparel. It seems that the must-have accessory over the past couple of weeks is undoubtedly the Christmas jumper… as modelled rather self-consciously, it has to be said, by our favourite mods about town, Messrs Slate McLeod and Dugi ‘Humbug’ Rubble. i apologise for the lack of pictures to accompany… but i do have some standards on this blog! It seems that this particular seasonal sartorial item is one of those that some people can carry off extremely well, whilst others should just be carried off!

Imagine, if you will, a slightly rough around the edges, risqué version of Val Doonican – someone who can pull off a pullover with aplomb – someone for whom being kitted in knitted simply works, even when the offending article is tastefully emblazoned with Christmas trees, reindeer and snowflakes. You can imagine them bustling in from the cold, arms laden down with presents, carving the turkey and then bringing the whole family together around the piano to lead them in a few festive rounds of ‘White Christmas‘. Somehow, cords and Christmas jumpers – although maybe not their usual style – just seem to work… that’ll be our Slate; resembling one of those models in a Christmas mail order catalogue. Now, imagine the same scenario, only this time it’s Val Hooligan… that’ll be Dugi, who if we’re honest, should never be allowed anywhere near an item of festive knitwear or, for that matter anything remotely associated with Christmastide: Wrapping paper, sellotape, glitter and spruce trees are just disasters waiting to happen when Rubble’s around.

Now, if you really want to see the epitome of the snazzy dresser, i’d suggest you look no further than our man Brann – if ever there was someone who can do ‘edgy’ and wear it with class and understated dignity, it’s him. In fact, when it comes to outfit of the year – and there has been some stiff competition, i can tell you – i’d say Brannigan has scooped the prize, and then some. He’s also one of the most polite, friendly and downright nice guys i know, so it gives me enormous pleasure to present him with the Haven Award for Best Dressed Bloke in SL 2011! On anyone else, his suit would look so very wrong, but somehow he wears it in a way that gives it the ‘wow factor’, and i just love it!

So much for the guys, how about the girls?

To be absolutely honest, i’m the last person who should be preaching to anyone about what looks good and what looks as if you’ve had a fight in an Oxfam skip, but there are a few things that i’ve learned over my time in sl that we’d all do well to heed, particularly around this time of year when the glad rags come out of their mothballs and things that we normally wouldn’t be seen dead in somehow become perfectly acceptable to sport in public. Perhaps it’s because we tend to pay less attention to the items of clothing that somehow we find ourselves wearing when it comes to party frocks, or maybe it’s because we find ourselves rushing just that little bit more than usual to find the ‘perfect’ item for that night out. STOP! Yes, stop right there and just run through a couple of sanity checks before you enter the Christmas jamboree!

Just think about what those bits of tinsel and fur are going to do once you get on the dance floor – they may well look just fine on a posing stand or in that elegantly arranged picture in the store, but you can guarantee that the moment you start boogeying around with a bit of boob bounce, those fripparies are going to prove themselves completely inadequate and, whilst the guys around you might think Christmas has come early, there really are some baubles that shouldn’t be unwrapped in public!

Then there’s prims… Don’t talk to me about prims! Give them a trial run first; do not, i repeat – do not – slip into something Christmassy with lots of prim attachments and immediately TP into the middle of a party. As someone who has learned the hard way that prim belts are invariably made for hippos and even when reduced down to the smallest possible size still make me look as though i’m spinning hula hoops around my waist, i tend to do away with them completely. The same is true for a vast array of prim attachments and fixings: Often they don’t fit, look right or work at all and we’re better off ditching them entirely. This is fine, provided you don’t discover the problem until you’re in a crowded room and whip it off, there and then, only to find you’ve whisked your knickers away too!

Similarly, i’ve had epaulettes that could have people’s eyes out at close range, and prim skirts that have swallowed the room, like a large marquee. Just because something looks good in the store, or on someone else doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work for you – i recently spent a whole evening, captivated by someone’s prim skirt that made her appear to be wearing a large, and unwieldy, lampshade on her lower half! Please take the time to check those festive outfits, girls, you’ll thank me for it.

i imagine that things will only go from bad to worse over the next week… thank goodness Christmas only comes once a year!

S. x

If looks could kill, they probably will
In games without frontiers – war without tears
Peter Gabriel – Games Without Frontiers 

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