Animals are cool – rl ones, that is – and, as far as i’m concerned, the more interesting, exotic and unusual, the better. Offer me a job that involves tracking elephants across the savannah, studying pygmy rhinos in the Javan jungle or investigating the habits of Komodo Dragons and, believe me, i’ll have my bags packed faster than you can say Sarawak giant tortoise! (Seriously!). My enthusiasm for the fauna of sl is however, rather less marked.
i don’t mind the occasional bird flapping about, or maybe the odd dog, cat or T.Rex patrolling the mean streets of sl – in fact, any of your normal, run-of-the-mill critters is fine by me, especially if they’re in context and fit in to the general scheme of the place they’re inhabiting – just the other day, i came across some particularly endearing cockroaches that completely stole my heart! Even so, there’s an awful lot of wildlife in sl that simply leaves me cold – they can be summed up in just one word… Breedables!
To my mind – and i do realise that there’s a huge fanbase for these kind of things, so please don’t take offence if that includes you – there a few things to me less appealing than a cartoonish animal, that demands to be looked after, fed (at ridiculous expense) and petted, which then rewards you by farting out yet another of its infernal kind to lavish even more attention and cash on. OK, before i get lynched, i should point out that’s just my own feelings on the matter – i completely understand that many people enjoy the whole breedable thing and get a lot out of it and i have nothing against anyone who does… it just doesn’t float my boat, i’m afraid.
What does rile me though is that the damn things are everywhere… meeroos, pistachios (or whatever, those horse things are called), rabbits, cows and even plants – you can’t go anywhere without finding your once-favourite store has been turned into a ranch or a club you used to frequent is now stuffed to the rafters with breedable bunnies! As for trying to find a non-breedable animal, it’s about as easy as finding a very small needle in very large haystack with a remotely-controlled robot, whilst operating the controls wearing boxing gloves! i know, because i’ve tried.
At my little plot of paradise in sl – Nowhere Land – i have a lovely, old-fashioned gypsy caravan which was just crying out for an accompanying horse. No problem – i pinched one from the Golden Gate Bridge, (i’d give you the SLurl, but someone seems to have stolen the region… not me, i promise you!), and for a while, everything was idyllic.
Then i ran out of prims. Sadly, at well over 120 prims, my poor horse had to go back to his stable and the hunt was now on for a low prim replacement.
You’d think it would be simple – type ‘horse’ into search on the Marketplace and see what pops up… damn breedables, that’s what; pages and pages and pages of them! It’s no good specifying low prims either, that way you just end up with pictures of horses, breedable food, breedable tack and, believe it or not, breedable posing stands! As you can imagine, it was quite a frustrating exercise. Eventually, after trawling through several million completely unsuitable alternatives, i managed to find a horse that looks, sounds and acts like a horse, doesn’t need feeding, is rideable, has several different horsey poses and happily wanders around Nowhere Land in a particularly equine fashion. i was extremely pleased.
So you can imagine my display when Eric, (what’s wrong with ‘Eric’ for a horses’ name?), took it into his horsey mind to trot off on a little excursion, all on his own. When something goes missing in sl that should never really go missing, you find that your brain goes into a kind of logic maze – you know it can’t happen, but it has, so you try to reason out the unreasonable – it’s a weird feeling. There was no way Eric could have wandered off the parcel on his own and equally, no way that someone could have abducted him… he wasn’t in the copse, disguising himself as a tree, flapping around the sky, like some Pegasus wannabe or splashing around the bay, wishing he was a seahorse. i even checked underground to see if he’d adopted the troglodyte lifestyle.
Eventually, a familiar neigh betrayed his whereabouts – somehow, and i don’t even want to imagine how he managed it, the daft bugger had managed to break in to the Gallery and was happily clopping about the upper level like some sort of living exhibit.
Please tell me – are all animals in sl this much hard work?
Who’s gonna ride your wild horses?
Who’s gonna drown in your blue sea?
Who’s gonna ride your wild horses?
Who’s gonna fall at the foot of thee?
U2 – Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?