That’s typical of Second Life – i’d lost that tap weeks ago, now here it was, stuck on the outside of my sleek sports car, and all this time, i’d been forced to have cold baths – so annoying. The policeman on the other side of the glass looked pretty annoyed too; all purple-faced and blustery – i was soon to find out why. i wound down my window – a bit of a waste of time, considering it was a convertible, but i reckon if you’ve got the scripts, you may as well make use of them.
“What seems to be the problem officer?”
“The problem, madam”, he responded, “is that you appear to have parked your car on my left foot! Please remove it!”
Oops! How exactly do you go about removing a policeman’s foot?
A short question and answer session soon revealed my rather silly mistake and, now master of the situation, i eased the car forward, gently running over the PC’s right foot in the process – well, how was i to know he’d left it there, right next to his other foot? That’s just careless… although, judging from the look on his face, if i wasn’t careful i’d soon be car-less!
i glanced down at his feet – no real damage done, apart from the tread-marks, although one foot had ballooned to a considerably larger size than the other; nothing to do with me driving over it – he’d obviously inadvertently slipped two different sized shoes on that morning, (haven’t we all? )… i thought it prudent not to mention his wardrobe malfunction.
He looked disapprovingly at my vehicle.
“Do you have a licence for this?”
“Yes, of course i do, officer – well, at least, i have one in my inventory somewhere. Erm, it might take me a little while to find it… i think i saved it with the name ‘object'”
i smiled ingratiatingly. He frowned menacingly. Time for a quick getaway!
“Ooh look!”, i shrieked, pointing somewhere beyond any sensible draw distance, “Griefers!”
Falling for my ploy, he sprang into action, as only an overweight, donut-snaffling, different-sized-shoes-on-broken-footed copper can, (painfully!) and, whilst he was otherwise engaged, i hit the TP Home button.
Thirty seconds later saw me re-appear, floating in the air, with a foolish grin on my face in the spot i’d recently vacated – of all the times for a perishing TP to fail! Gathering my dignity, i tried to look innocent as the cop stood there, absent-mindedly swinging his night-stick.
“i really don’t think you should have that out in public”, i said, nodding towards his nether regions.
“Dammit!”, he gasped; “I didn’t realise it was still attached!”
Whilst he fumblingly de-rezzed his attachment, i passed the time in small talk: “Nice piece of work though… mesh, is it?”
“Now that’s enough – we all make mistakes… speaking of which, what’s with the sudden disappearing act?”
“Ah, that”, i mumbled, “erm… i thought i’d try and head the griefers off at the pass, but umm, well…”
He gave me a knowing glance and i knew he didn’t believe a word of it. It was starting to look like i was for the high jump – which would have been interesting, since i specifically bought an AO without any sort of jumps at all, (to be honest i can barely walk with it most of the time – although that might not be the AO, it could just be my ineptitude!). Nasty visions started flitting across my mind of me cowering in a prison cell, whilst a big, butch, prison-overalled cellmate advanced towards me, clutching a pair of RLV handcuffs…
Panicking a little, (actually, a lot!), i started to babble:
“Please don’t throw me into a prison cell officer, i didn’t mean it – honest! i like the police, i’ve even got my own uniform somewhere… Heck, i’ve watched every episode of CSI: Aditi!”
It was no good – he started to advance towards me. In desperation i tried tossing iced donuts at him, but it was no good… it was a no-rez parcel. Bearing down upon me, he intoned…
“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me!”
His gloved hand reached towards me and then, suddenly, he poofed!
Y’know, i don’t think i’ve ever had cause to be grateful for Second Life’s tetchiness before, but believe me, never has a crash felt so sweet!
Caught by the fuzz,
Well I was, still on a buzz
Supergrass – Caught By The Fuzz