OK, i apologise in advance… it’s been a long, wearing day and my brain has temporarily become unhinged in an all-new fashion – i admit absolutely no responsibility for this post, since it was written whilst having an out-of-brain experience, (walk towards the light they said… but the dark side had cookies and i couldn’t help myself)…
Second Life is well-known for its varied, interesting and eclectic collection of cultures, subcultures and the sort of cultures you usually find growing in coffee cups after returning from two weeks away. Along with fads, trends and a vast array of trivial pursuits, it is these collectives and oddities that make sl what it is, and which help those of us who spend far too much time in the virtual world to distinguish between what is real, and what isn’t.
Even the noobiest noob has some idea of the strange perversity diversity that abounds in sl within a very short time of being dumped unceremoniously into some deranged madman’s idea of a ‘welcome’ area, (it’s a bit like No-Man’s Land, without the charm): This is mainly due to the fact that the average, fresh-faced noob will, within their first 15 minutes inworld, have been bitten by vampires 4 times, offered sex with a dwarf at least twice, been refused money, a job, a home and help, on something like 54 separate occasions, and will have stepped on, and killed, somebody’s breedable cat.
With this abundance of fun constantly going on around us, it’s easy to forget that sl follows its own perverse brand of Darwinian evolution – those who refuse to evolve, or insist on sticking with V1 viewers will not survive… and those who do survive sometimes wish they hadn’t!
Spare a thought then, gentle reader, for the former things that have passed away into the tear-filled sump of digital memory… the characters and creations of sl times gone by, now cast aside and lost to posterity:
Fraglan Shire – Zombie tinies from the wet folds of satan’s bottom – these cute little critters lived an idyllic lifestyle, telling tiny stories around their tiny camp fires, playing silly games, without a care in the world and generally having a wonderful time, happily scurrying around sl and scaring the poop out of every resident who crossed their path. Woe-betide any resident foolish enough to try to befriend one of these oh-so cute creatures… one bite was all it took, and soon the whole of Fraglan Shire would be feasting on the unfortunate’s steaming brains and telling bawdy jokes about Three-Titted Tina, the Tiny Terror of Terra Nova as they chewed on your sinews.
Nekros – The dead cat people: They looked, sounded and acted for all the world like dead cats: Humanoid/catoid cross avatars, clad in fur, tails, pointy ears, excessive fleas and an indigenous population of blowflies. These poor souls were condemned to a SLife of lying around rigid in gutters, whilst stinking to high heaven. Eventually they were perma-banned throughout sl because, quite simply, nobody had any use for a dead cat.
Blonde Lines – A mind-numbingly boring ‘game-within-a-game’ whereby 7-foot tall blonde Amazons with huge breasts sapped the life from their victims by talking vacuously and constantly about the shoes they’d bought on their latest hunt; who they’d most recently dumped off their friends’ list for being a bitch; who they’d re-friended after making up because some other bitch was just stirring in the first place, and so on, ad nauseum. The only escape was to plunge a stake into your own heart, and thus end the agony or alternatively expose yourself to the full glare of their unshielded bling… either way, a horrible way to go!
Meeloos – Breedable toilets: It was a crappy idea to start with, and things just went downhill from there. The idea was to feed the damn things with, erm, ‘food’ and see what resulted – if you were lucky, you’d get a purple, close-coupled saniflow; unlucky, and you’d end up with a cesspit in a field. A concept that was not flushed with success.
Armadillo Horseables – A cross between an armadillo and a mangy old horse. A complete flop, because nobody wanted hairy woodlice, no matter how cute their eyelashes.
TOSsers – A rapidly dying out group – of which a few stalwarts still survive – who are so concerned they might say accidentally something remotely interesting in chat that they’ve developed the profile disclaimer to a kind of art form. Their picks warn of dire consequences of even thinking of what they might have mentioned in chat – with subsequent disclaimers to disclaim their disclaimers, each more terrifying than the previous. Eventually, it is thought that this type of resident may well die out completely – victims of self-TOSicide, as they inadvertently quote themselves, bringing the full wrath of their own disclaimers to condemn them to the hell of real life.
The Closed Collar Community – An interesting bunch, leftover from the days of the Emerald Viewer, who inadvertently managed to permanently shackle themselves when the Viewer was banned, leaving a small piece of code missing from all subsequent viewers. Now they roam sl, rattling their chains – lost souls, in search of a key that no longer exists.
SL Bloggers – Bound to die out in the end… there’s only so much you can whinge about in sl.
And be thankful
You know that livin’ could be tasteful
Ah, we should all get together in a lovin’ machine
Blue Mink – Melting Pot