Cry havok!

She needed a night out… an opportunity to relax and enjoy herself. Second Life had been playing up a bit recently and it would be nice just to get dressed up and chill out, so tonight she was off to the bright lights and pounding beats of the local nightclub. Who knows, she might even strike lucky and meet ‘Mr Right Resident’!

A slinky new outfit, expensive hairdo and lashings of make-up layers and she was ready to hit the town. As she headed for the door, she took a quick glance in the mirror – a pointless exercise, since this was sl and reflections were still a long way in the future – but it’s hard to kick the habits of a lifetime.

A toast appeared in the corner of the screen, but she was on a diet, so she merely read its contents… Come as you are night at ‘The Big Bang BBQ Club’ – it sounded good to her, so she jumped on the supplied LM and headed off into the night.

The club was heaving – quite literally! For some reason, the walls appeared to have all the physical stability of wet spaghetti, with none of the taste. The building wobbled and flubbered with the beat, whilst the floor bucked like a rodeo bull with hiccups every time she tried to walk on it. Giving up on any pretence of normality, she decided to fly to the dance floor, where she stood coyly at the side, hoping to catch somebody’s eye…

Which is exactly what happened, although not exactly in the fashion she’d imagined.

There, on the other side of the dance floor stood DarkandSultry Resident: their eyes met across the room – altogether a rather gross and upsetting moment, as her left eye, and his right, popped straight out of their sockets and skittered across the floor, to end in a rather wobbly and sticky meeting right beneath the dance ball. She threw up her hands in horror – another mistake, it turned out, as both her hands flew off at the wrist and cartwheeled through the air in a rather sickening arabesque.

Panic stricken, she looked toward Mr D&S for assistance – he simply rolled his remaining eye at her which, as it gently trundled along the floor, was deftly caught by her right hand in a particularly impressive swoop from the ceiling!

Eventually, body parts were re-attached and embarrassment covered and the two clubbers joined together in a slow dance – as best they could, on the pitching and heaving floor – and got down to the serious business of small talk.

“Hey baby”, murmured Mr D&S, “forget all that nonsense… it’s just sl being weird. Time to let your hair down, sweetheart”, he smiled. She smiled back at him; a smile that quickly turned to dismay as she quite literally found her hair letting itself down! Slowly her expensive and heavily scripted locks collapsed under their own weight, descending through her body and eventually coming to a sedate halt around about her crotch. Not the best of looks!

Deciding that bald was better than brash, she quickly removed the offending hair and began to apologise profusely to her partner, who she now realised was a good deal shorter than herself. “This will never do”, she thought to herself, and casually slipped on a smart pair of flats… when i say ‘slipped on’, i mean it in the same sense as banana peel – her legs shot apart and she ended up performing an impromptu and inelegant performance of ‘Knees Up Mother Brown’, all over the dance floor, with Mr D&S, (and now rather agitated) Resident, in tow.

Giving up on the dancing, they found a quiet table. Sadly their peace was to be soon interrupted an a bunch of war-crazed Steamers gatecrashed the club… although their onslaught was somewhat watered down as they found to their abject disappointment that their arsenal of rather fearsome weapons were petty ineffectual, considering their bullets simply bounced around harmlessly off every available surface, before gently settling into a pile of useless shrapnel in the corner. In exasperation, one Steamer was heard to exclaim, “I don’t like this game… I don’t understand the rules! I want my mummy!”

Perched on a barstool in the corner, a lone Linden in disguise watched the goings-on with satisfaction. The new Chaos Physics Engine was proving to be a great success!

s. x

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
Will Rogers

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