One moment vigour and vim, words tripping from my brain onto the page like an itinerant summer shower that’s determined to wash out a sunny bank holiday; ideas popping like fireworks, inspiring and cajoling me into ever more frenzied bouts of building and bodging; filled with fervour to explore and investigate, create and curate, develop and design… then, without warning: well, y’know how it is?
The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed a rather lax attitude has permeated the blog of late – features that previously were studiously and assiduously updated have fallen a little by the wayside, pages that were regularly revised have slowed to a crawl and even my posts have become less verbose and prolific.
Inworld, the same effect can be observed – i listlessly loll about, putting on a pretence of activity, but in reality, achieving little, if anything at all. i find myself editing prims, but without making changes; shuffling things around, then moving them back to their original position; wandering back and forth, standing doing nothing and sitting on things just for the sake of it. i seem to be spending less time inworld and, when i login, less time doing anything constructive, less time socialising and less time actually enjoying myself. It would all feel rather disturbing, if i could gather the enthusiasm to be disturbed. Procrastination, putting-off and entropy seem to be the order of the day.
And all around me, things are happening and the world is moving on – yet my own personal world is gracefully gliding to a sedate halt. Great things are afoot for sl, yet i’ll write a title and never pen the piece; there’s a store to fill and fit out inworld, yet the stock sits, unfinished and incomplete; there’s land to be ‘scaped and bare patches to be filled, and i spend my time tutting over their barrenness, yet doing nothing of worth.
Has sl lost its magic? No, not at all, but i’ve run out of steam… at least temporarily. It’s almost certainly a case of rl dross making its way into sl, and there’s not really a heck of a lot i can do about it, other than just keep on swimming, until i eventually come out the other side. The cause? Mainly work being stupidly, insanely busy, with increasingly demanding results being expected, despite rapidly dwindling resources, and little or no concern about the emotional or physical cost on those expected to produce those results. There’s little incentive to ask for more job satisfaction when the standard reply is, ‘if you don’t like it, you know your way to the door…’ Most days, i get home, make a cup of tea and fall asleep before i get round to drinking it!
It’s no big deal really, i’m just very tired, physically, emotionally and mentally, all of which means that i’ve less time, less energy and less brain power to do the things i normally do with ease and enjoyment. To be perfectly honest, it’s just so much easier to sit around and do sod all, both in rl and sl… which pretty much sums up what i’ve been doing.
It’s actually very frustrating – inside there’s a bit of me that really wants to be getting on with all that stuff i really do want to be getting sorted – the store, a spot of writing, a bit of photography, get to grips with sculpts, maybe a bit of machinima – but, no matter how much i really want to get on with those things, i can never quite get around to sorting anything out. Dammit!
Anyway – moan over – sorry to whinge, but that’s one of the benefits of being a blogger, particularly when you have a rambling, go-anywhere sort of blog – like mine: one that’s not bothered with fashion, isn’t deadly serious about the metaverse and is distinctly rubbish about all that stuff and nonsense around terse, pithy titles, proper linking and copious SLurls. It is, what it is, and it’s mine!
This is really my way of saying that i apologise for the poor service recently… things, as they say, can only get better, (who are they kidding?).
If I was young, I’d flee this town
I’d bury my dreams underground
As did I, we drink to die, we drink tonight
Beirut – Elephant Gun