When it comes to seeing plans through to fruition, regular readers will know that the chances of that happening with anything reliant on me getting my act together are more remote than hell freezing over. Probably more unlikely, in fact, than hell freezing over and becoming a future site for the Winter Olympics.
i have oodles of good ideas and masses of good intentions – what i don’t often have is the technical ability, or the staying power to see things through to their conclusion. They do say – if i stick with the hell analogy – that the road to that particular destination is paved with good intentions; if that is indeed true, you’ll find that it’s a six-lane motorway, complete with hard shoulder in my case… i have a lot of good intentions!
Unfortunately, i also have an awful lot of unfinished projects.
Which brings me to my current fait non-accompli – ‘The Tube Station’. Imagine, if you will a majestic and grandiose build project, proudly asserting its worthy presence in the virtual world. A solidly built edifice, at once beguiling and inviting, that beckons you in to sample the delights inside… trembling with anticipation, you step through the portal into… er, a rather shabby, almost empty, vacant shell of a building. This, my friends, is The Tube Station – my own personal Ryugyong Hotel. It was spawned in a moment of mild insanity, (as opposed to my more usual raving insanity), when faced with a large chunk of land and no idea what to do with it, i came up with the rather obvious solution of building my own London Underground station – well, who wouldn’t? Within a matter of days, a majestic, glossy red-tiled, barrel vaulted building, complete with ticket office and a platform that was really underground – no faking for me – had sprung up; and that’s about as far as it went. What i now had was a plot of land with a tube station shaped empty box filling it.
You see, as is so typical of Yours Truly, the plan wasn’t so much ill-conceived, but terminally borked… why the heck would anyone in their right mind build a tube station with absolutely no purpose, rhyme or reason and no idea in the slightest what possible use could be made of it once it was complete?
Somewhat panic-stricken that i now had the sl equivalent of a Victorian folly on my doorstep, covering a great big hole in the ground that i had no idea how to fill, i came up with the brilliant idea of turning it into a shop. Problem solved… not! Stores, of necessity, require stock – i had none; they also require some sort of theme and rationale… guess what? /me nods sagely.
Since the black art of clothing design and creation is a complete closed book to me, i plumped – heaven knows why – for making furniture, a horrendously stupid decision, if ever there was one. i mean, how difficult can it be? A lot more difficult that any rational person could possibly anticipate, is the answer to that one. Several million abortive attempts at making a chair later, i realised just how badly this particular line of reasoning was going and so, the cogs and machinery of industry fell silent, the dust gathered gently on half-finished sofas and bookcases and i softly closed the factory door, and tiptoed away with an embarrassed look on my face. (OK, it wasn’t quite that poetic, but you get the general idea).
So, sanity has returned, to a certain degree – perhaps one day i’ll have what it takes to open up a store and sell stuff that people will want to buy, (at which distant point in the future, hell will have thawed out nicely again and be offering two-week, all-inclusive beach holidays with activity clubs for the kids), but until then, i have a plot of land with a tube-station shaped box on it containing a sign saying ‘the store will be open soon’ which is so ancient it’s written in Helvetica! The big question is, what do i do with the damn thing? (The building, that is, not the sign).
i don’t want to tear it down – i like the old place, and it really should remain standing as a testament to failed aspirations and the folly of over-inflated expectation, but i can’t justify letting it simply stand empty whilst it haemorrhages lindens from my account – that’s just wrong on so many levels.
However, i really don’t know what to do with it – some ideas that have crossed my mind are:
- Have a bash at art/sculpture and turn it into a gallery: A possibility, but i have a sneaky suspicion that my abilities as a sculptor are sadly limited, besides which, i already have The Gallery at Nowhere Land, which is hardly inundated with visitors at the best of times;
- As above, but exhibit other people’s work: Hmmm… sounds a bit complicated to me;
- Revamp the interior and turn it into an abandoned tube station: Could be fun to do, but would anyone bother visiting?
- Erm… No, that’s it. Can’t think of anything else!
Anyone have any ideas?
The distant echo –
of faraway voices boarding faraway trains
To take them home to
the ones that they love and who love them forever
The glazed, dirty steps – repeat my own and reflect my thoughts
The Jam – Down In The Tubestation At Midnight