Please accept my sincere apologies if you’ve received a spam email in the past few days purporting to be from me – it appears some evil B@$**&D has hijacked my account, despite the fact that i try to keep it as sterile as is humanly possible.
You can imagine – particularly since this is not the best week for me – that i am not only completely mortified that you have been subjected to this kind of inconvenience, but if the subhuman slimeball who propagated this attack was to fall into my clutches, i would happily remove their skin with a potato peeler and rub rock salt into their suppurating flesh afterwards… and laugh unrepentantly as i did so.
Rest assured, i have now ramped up security so high that it’s quite possible that not even i will be able to access my own emails! Don’t you just love technology.
Again, my apologies.