Not just any Friday though, it is – of course – Black Friday, a concept that we over here in the People’s Republic of the UK are only just becoming familiar with, thanks to the unstinting efforts of Amazon junk mail servers. If you’re one of those for whom the only connotation of the term ‘Black Friday‘ involves stockbrokers throwing themselves off tall buildings and mortgaging their souls for a crust of bread, let me explain…
Black Friday, in the US of A, is the Friday after Thanksgiving, when Americans stampede to their local malls and Walmarts to spend their life savings on cut price deals that will never again be repeated, (until next Black Friday). It’s also a good day for shootings and sales of Mace and pepper spray. It’s a bit like the DFS sale, which begins the very second the first Christmas Turkey comes out of the oven, and the BHS January sale (creepy, creepy ad!), which starts sometime around October. Thanksgiving, for those still in the dark, is the fourth Friday in November – a day that Americans stampede to their local burns units after setting fire to themselves: a fairly predictable result of combining turkeys with hot oil and naked flames. Canadians do it in October, with more snow.
As stores start their sales ever earlier, we’ve seen the birth of Grey Thursday, which surely begs the question, are White Wednesday, Taupe Tuesday and Muddy Monday somewhere in the offing? Personally, i quite like the idea of colourful designations for our calendars – it would certainly have commercial appeal for diary manufacturers and would be a great business opportunity for certain sectors… just think: ‘White, with a hint of mango Thursday – sponsored by Dulux’. While we’re at it, we could bring back Red Letter Days, which seem to have fallen by the wayside of late, and who wouldn’t want to celebrate Blue Monday and Ruby Tuesday?
Other news that caught my attention today is a cautionary tale to those of us who keep meaning to get around to backing-up our hard disks, but never quite manage it. Local twit, James Howells, recently threw out an old hard drive he’d had sitting in a desk drawer for a few years, assuming he’d backed-up everything he needed off it. It was only this week he remembered the 7500 bitcoins he’d saved on it, bought way back when they were dirt cheap, but now worth in the region of £4M ($6.5M)! Having now paid a visit to the city tip, poor Mr Howells realises the futility of his search and the importance of backing-up everything, just in case – so, what field does this plonker work in? IT, of course.
Knowing the sort of people that inhabit these parts, (we are, famously, the city that grew cannabis in its council tubs – what do you expect when we have a councillor who hails from Goldie-Lookin’ Chain?), now that the news has broken i’m confident that the city dump will be beseiged by hopeful prospectors all hoping to make their fortune by sifting through mounds of rubbish for this erstwhile hard drive – sadly, they’ll only spend the money on drugs and cheap Iceland cider, that’s if they have the necessary IQ to recover the data in the first place, which i doubt.
Speaking of sifting through crap, i see that palaentologists have discovered a 240 million year old dinosaur latrine, within which – in my favourite bit of factual reporting this year – ‘a density of 94 poos per square metre was recorded by the researchers’. That’s a heck of a lot of poos! All of which suggests that those classic movies got it all wrong… the biggest danger at Jurassic Park was never the risk of being eaten by a T-Rex, whilst sat on the toilet: it’s a far bigger risk stumbling into a T-Rex’s toilet and never being able to drag yourself back out! That’s a whole heap of, erm… trouble! It’s nice to know, though, that in these day’s of doom and gloom, you can stumble across a news article which contains an artist’s impression of ‘the world’s oldest toilet‘, complete with buzzing flies – what more can i say?
And that’s it for this Friday’s news round-up… who says i can’t do serious?
It’s good news week
Doctors finding many ways
Of wrapping brains on metal trays
To keep us from the heat
Hedgehoppers Anonymous – It’s Good News Week