The crowd waited in anticipation for the prophet’s return, some went shopping, whilst other’s idly flicked particles at each other when their neighbours weren’t looking. Suddenly a sombre silence fell over the assembly as a cloud appeared at the base of the mountain and slowly resolved into the prophet.
The silence was soon broken by giggles and cheers, as it became apparent to all that the prophet had appeared minus his trousers, and sporting an extraordinarily disproportionate prim ‘attachment’. One embarrassed, and extremely quick change later, and a certain sense of decorum was re-established.
“I’m so sorry about that”, mumbled the prophet: “Flippin’ SL! I do wish they wouldn’t muck around with the asset servers!”
He could tell that the assembled crowd didn’t believe a word of it and that they knew exactly what he’d been up to since his last appearance, so gathering his dignity, as best he could, he launched back into ‘Mouthpiece of the Almighty Mode’… “Lol! Surely that should be ‘Codpiece'”, shouted one wag from the assembled masses.
The prophet frowned at the voice in the crowd: “Mockery is the last refuge of the poor in spirit!”, he thundered in reply; “let he who hath no hidden groups cast the first sculpty!”
“Now… where was I? Ah, yes… Now hear ye the word of the Omnipixelled! Let us proceed with Commandments five, through ten – and those of you who missed it yesterday, I’m sure some kindly blogger will transcribe it for you later…
6. Thou shalt not cast the seed of misfortune randomly upon those around you. Those who offer unasked for TPs, IMs and friendship requests will be scorned by those whom they desire. Truly it is not more blessed to give such things, and it is a pain in the butt to receive! If thou desirest the company of others, then seek them out and you shall find them; be a friend in their times of need and a companion on their dance ball – then you shall truly find peace and happiness and be no longer spurned and muted.
7. Thou shalt not over-inflate thy gestures – this is a grievous sin which will lead to your downfall. Those who ‘Hoo!’, and whose screens overfloweth with posturing and musical accompaniment will be ejected from the midst of the people and banned for perpetuity. Do not boast of your greatness, neither should you consider your words of greater importance than those of others. Consider your neighbours and let them get a word in edgeways and do not scorn them when they transgress and gesture inappropriately, instead treat them as you would wish to be treated yourself – IM them and quietly guide them into the proper way… for the greater the gesture, the lesser the avatar.
8. Thou shalt not mock another’s typos, for we have all been there and it is not big and it is not clever, although it is terribly amusing at times! Pity the alien and the foreigner in your land, for they are doing the best they can, do not be troubled by their poor syntax – for there are far more terrible sins perpetrated in the world! Be sober in speech and restrained in words – for wine is a babbler and hasty fingers precede a fall.
9. Thou shalt not create graven images – they are a plague upon the land! Your bots are cursed and their works are without merit. Do not seek to boost your traffic with a multitude of bots, neither use them to extort thine neighbour, buy up the land or cause grief to those who pass by. The world belongs to Rod’s people – it is their inheritance and that of their breedables to be fruitful and multiply: it is not to be tarnished by a multitude of scripted agents whose only desire is to feed their owner’s greed.
10. Thou shalt honour thy neighbour and shall not seek undue succour from them thereof: neither beg for lindens, nor freebies. Do not demand land for your home or a regular DJ slot without thought of the cost – a worker earns their own keep and deserves what they have earned; the sluggard reaps no reward and must not expect to grow fat on the toil of others. Similarly, (10a), thou shalt not demand to ‘do teh sex’ within moments of making a neighbour’s acquaintance – such things are an abomination and not to be tolerated… you have been warned!
And that,” said the prophet, in stern tones, “is that! Make sure you stick to the rules, or it’s a trouble ticket for you!”
The people, awed and silent – although it must be admitted, a few were AFK, checking out the fridge contents, or sleeping – pondered the prophet’s words in their hearts, before deciding to ignore them completely… well, sl wouldn’t much fun otherwise!
And he said: Behold what I have done
I’ve made a better world for everyone
Nobody laughs, nobody cries
World without end, forever and ever
Hazel O’Connor – Eighth Day