The ultimate SLurvival guide: Part 2

undiesHard on the heels of yesterday’s hints, tips and pointers to a better SLife, i bring you more! Yes, more crucial SLurvival advice that will give you the edge when it comes to facing up to the trials and tribulations of a virtual existence.

All this… and it’s completely free of charge! (Although i’m more than happy to accept any donations, grants and backhanders that will aid in furthering my unstinting and entirely philanthropic studies of SLife, which of course, are aimed only at increasing understanding for the many thousands who feel daunted at the sheer craziness of virtual living). Your continued support will underpin my five year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go…. erm, you get the picture?

Here then are my continued pearls of wisdom, for your fortification:

misali15_0013. Location, location, location!
The virtual world is a big old place and, unless you want to walk everywhere, landmarks are an essential tool. We have a saying around these parts: ‘No landmarks, no life’ – you want to have a life don’t you? Then start collecting those LMs! You may ask yourself, “How many LMs is too many?”; the answer is simple – you can never have too many LMs, in fact you should pick them up at every available opportunity… gratefully accept the offerings of those store greeters; reach out and take them from group notices and wherever you see them lying in the street, pick them up and give them a home. How else will you ever find your way around the virtual world? Maps – forget them: they are no substitute for a beautifully positioned landmark, and who will offer you teleports when all your friends abandon you and you are left, a sad, solitary figure, stuck forlornly on a lonely sim? Don’t take the chance, cherish those LMs as if your SLife depended on them.

Now, i hear that some of you are in the habit of deleting old LMs – oh, foolish, foolish people! Nothing is ever lost forever – those places you thought were gone for good may one day magically re-appear, and how on earth will you find them if you’ve trashed all your LMs? You should treasure them, they are like the memories of the past – don’t flush them away on the tide of forgetfulness! One day, i promise you, you’ll thank me that you held on to them.

scary hair_0014. Hairy moments
You may be surprised to learn that hair can be a stumbling block to many on their journey of discovery in the virtual universe. To delete, or not to delete, that is the question – whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous script counters, or to take arms against a sea of resizers and by opposing end them. To delete, to resize – no more – and by delete to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural locks that flesh is hair to.

Quibble no more! Never delete – no matter what harsh looks you may get, no matter how laggy your locks may be, those scripts are worth more than the hair itself!

To delete is fraught with danger: what if you should mistakenly mangle your only copy of that ridiculously expensive updo? What if your head should unnacountably shrink overnight? What if, in a drunken stupor, you turn your hair into a veritable haystack upon your noggin? What are you going to do then, without your resize scripts? To remove them makes hair just that – hair – whereas judicious use of resizers and placement has saved many a fraught moment when a makeshift beard, nasal outgrowth or merkin is the order of the day.

Similarly, keep those resizers in your footwear – you never know when you might grow too big for your boots!

5. Everyone loves to feel wanted
What’s the use of having friends if they’re somewhere else, having fun without you? Don’t let them get away with it – everyone loves receiving a random TP out of the blue: it makes them feel loved and wanted, and more importantly, it focusses the attention on you – and isn’t that exactly how it was meant to be? Which leads me neatly to…

6. Broadcast your presence
SL is a social environment, so it stands to reason that the whole point of being inworld is to be social. Don’t let those boring fuddy-duddies, with their ban lines and disclaimers spoil your fun – you were never meant to hide your light under a bushbaby, so let it SHINE! Sing with me: “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!” – and by ‘little light’, i mean the Face-O-Matic 3000 MegaBrite FaceLite Pro. For maximum effect, wear one at both ends, and then the sun really can shine out of your arse!

Don’t stop there – you don’t spend a fortune on outfits for people not to notice you, so get out the bling, and sparkle like the diamond you are. Assert your Linden-given right to be the avatar you were always meant to be – announce your arrivals and departures, broadcast your every thought, fill the screen with gestures that can’t be ignored – for you are a treasure, and what would sl be without you?

Make the most of the resources at your disposal: they’ve been given to you freely, so use them freely. What’s the point of joining a group, if nobody knows who you are? So use group chat constantly, that’s what it’s there for – it is your friend, possibly the only one you have left!

And never forget – ‘Drama’ is not a dirty word!

So, there you have it, my brief but indispensible guide to living in the virtual world – i hope it serves you well.

Coming soon, the ‘Seren Haven Self-Help Guide: Pixel Paranoia and You’.

s. x

You are the sun, you are the sun
Oh, oh oh
Follow the sky into your perfection
Hurricane Love – You Are The Sun

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