It’s no secret that my sl driving licence should have been confiscated long ago. No matter how hard i try, i simply cannot master the controls of pretty much any virtual vehicle i find myself behind the wheel of. My inventory is weighed down with a veritable warehouse full of vehicles, planes, boats and trains, but – with the possible exception of my pogo stick, skateboard and penny-farthing – i’m a complete and utter menace to all road users, no matter which mode of transport i try to employ.
It’s a shame, because i thoroughly enjoy undertaking the occasional road trip through sl, and there are numerous racetracks i’d love to get to grips with, if only i could manage to keep all four wheels on the road. And, before you even think about it… i’d consider myself a pretty good driver when it comes to the real thing. Out in the real world, i’ll tackle pretty much any road, under any conditions in pretty much any vehicle you’re willing to trust me with. Driving abroad doesn’t bother me and i’ve driven both on, and ‘properly’ off-road; i’ve tackled cars of every description, a railway locomotive, trucks, buses and even a tank! Never have i had much of a problem with any of them, but put me inside a virtual vehicle and it’s not a pretty sight!
It’s not for want of trying, or lack of practice, either – but even in the most familiar surroundings in the tamest of vehicles, it’s all i can do to drive in a straight line – and often even that’s asking too much!
Today’s exploits perfectly illustrate my point – finding myself all alone in an almost empty sim, i leapt on the opportunity to try and hone my driving skills. Rezzing one of my Hummers, (yes, i have several!), i tried to master the deceptively simple task of driving in a straight line down the road…
Attempt 1, saw me drive straight into the harbour.
Attempt 2 wasn’t much better – this time i ended up completely inside the interior of a shop that was actually smaller than my vehicle.
Attempt 3: my complete failure to extricate myself from said shop.
Attempt 4 – this time i ended up several metres off the ground, firmly wedged between the wall of the shop i’d recently trashed, and the roof of the church next door.
There were many, many more attempts – i won’t bore you with them, but you get the general idea.
Whatever it is that enables the average person to drive a vehicle in sl, i don’t have it, and i don’t have it in a big way. It’s not for want of trying – i’ve fiddled with settings, tried mouselook, overhead and dangly-cam, experimented with keyboard, mouse and various combinations for control and – no matter how hard i try – i always end up stuck firmly in the side of a building, upside down in a burning pyre or, in one of my most unusual moments to date, stuck underneath the road i’d recently been on top of.
Driving inworld has become a terribly antisocial thing for me – i dare not attempt it anwhere that people might be within anything less than a couple of miles… i will mow them down, so my motoring is by necessity limited to vast open spaces, well away from humanity, property and preferably doesn’t include big holes, cliffs or large expanses of water.
And so, gentle reader, i am doing something i rarely do… i’m asking advice. Please, please, please tell me where i’m going wrong and how exactly does one drive a vehicle without imperiling life, property and reputation, based on sl physics? i know there are people who read this blog who have no problem at all zipping around a race track at high speed, and possibly in formation whilst juggling raw eggs and chainsaws at the same time – so, please share your secrets with me, if only so i can drive down to the shops without subjecting all around me to grand death auto!
Mustang Sally, think you better slow your mustang down.
You been running all over the town now.
Oh! I guess I’ll have to put your flat feet on the ground.
Wilson Pickett – Mustang Sally