Have you noticed?

noticeGroup notices – great for keeping informed, up-to-date and in the know about your favourite stores, clubs and interests. At least, that’s the theory; the reality tends to be somewhat different.

Yes, i’m afraid this is going to be a rant, but my therapist – if i had one – would no doubt tell me that it’s good for the soul, so i’m afraid you’re stuck with it!

Like so many things in life, and SLife for that matter, more is not necessarily always a good thing. In many instances, moderation is far superior to over-egging the pudding and a commonsense approach to anything, particularly promotional activities, is usually far more effective than wholesale shock and awe tactics. This is particularly true when it comes to sl group notices: one or two well thought out, timely notices for an event or activity are an apt and appropriate means of communication; a flood of spammy duplicates of the same old template message are, quite definitely, not.

Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with promoting a new range of products or your latest cut-price sale, but sending a notice every day to tell me you’ve released yet another new pair of jeans or 25 reminders that your MM Board is going to close in just 8 hours can only be described as an irritating pain in the proverbial! Then there are the event venues that find it impossible to send a discrete reminder that the night’s entertainment is about to start, or has reached the halfway point, but instead find it necessary to bombard us with flyers every 10 minutes or so, complete with LMs, just in case we might have forgotten to turn up.

soylent_001To me, this blatant and continual misuse of the group notice facility is not only intensely annoying and disruptive, but it also succeeds in having completely the opposite result to that intended. Send me message upon message, upon message, and it’s highly likely that whatever you’re promoting is going to end up on my ‘must avoid at all cost’ list of things to do, buy or connect with. Indeed, those repeat offenders who insist on filling my screen with trash can expect – once my patience has worn paper thin – to be summarily dismissed, blocked and even, on occasion, lose my patronage altogether.

As far as i’m concerned, notice junkies are not much far removed from the morons who ‘phone me to ask if my kitchen needs refurbishing, or text me in the middle of important meetings to offer me instant loans: they are uninvited, unwelcome and uncalled for, and i’m afraid i do rather enjoy giving as good as i get, if i happen to be on the receiving end. Some of my responses to unwelcome texts have been, shall we say, somewhat belligerent and are often couched in language that would make Brian Blessed blush! As for telephone calls… that’s where i really come into my own.

The only reason i have a ‘phone is for the line – i don’t use it, never have done, and i don’t even know my number and neither does anyone else. So, any time it rings, i know for sure that it’s going to be a waste of time, pain in the rear end sales call. Depending on how i’m feeling, the hapless twat ‘customer adviser’ on the other end of the call may well find themselves speaking to ‘Sultry Sue’s Exclusive Escorts’; or being on the receiving end of an evangelical crusade to convert them to the One True Way of the Divine Antithesis. They may be unfortunate enough to be ‘put on hold’, whilst i transfer them – via my ‘automated system’ – to somebody who can help them, (‘Press 1 to hear your options; Press 2 if you have no options; Press 3 to hear your options again’). On one particularly memorable occasion i did ask one poor lad, who was trying to get me to switch energy suppliers, if he know the best method for sacrificing chickens!

It’s such a shame that i can’t do the same in sl!

So, here’s a suggestion for all you third party developers out there – how about a feature that allows you to send autoresponse notices to those notice senders that insist on constantly bringing things to our notice? It would be such poetic justice to be able to bounce notices back to these spammers so that every time they log in they have to spend the first 10 minutes deleting unwanted crap, like we have to do with theirs, because – let’s face it – it’s pointless expecting them to see sense and exercise a modicum of moderation on their own initiative.

/me sighs

s. x

Economic forecast soothe our dereliction
Words of euthanasia, apathy of sick routine
Carried away with useless advertising dreams
Blinding children, life as automatons
Manic Street Preachers – Natwest-Barclays-Midlands-Lloyds

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