Misguided mercenary

twatMost Friday nights will find me relaxing in front of the computer, glass of plonk in hand and snacking on nibbles, whilst inworld i’m dancing, joking and generally getting up to mischief at my favourite sl club. The name and location of said club shall, for the time being, remain a mystery – it’s one of those places where the regulars are more like family than just friends: the conversation rattles along at breakneck speed and good-natured insults and ribbing are very much the lingua franca. It’s a place where the people are every bit as important as the music and where ‘hosts’, ‘greeters’ and the usual flock of people dancing away silently, ignoring everyone other than their partner, are conspicuous by their absence. It’s a great place to be, and the fact that publicity and promotion are words that don’t appear in the owner’s dictionary only add to its charm.

A glimpse inside the club whose name may not be mentioned

A glimpse inside the club whose name may not be mentioned

Even so, despite its relative anonymity, we do see new faces on a regular basis. Noobs, a day or two old have been known to stumble upon the madness that frequently reigns on club nights, random strangers and friends of friends will occasionally stop by, declaring their surprise at finding such a friendly and fun place. Often that first visit won’t be their last, and new faces rapidly become familiar, die-hard attendees.

Then there are the weirdos who occasionally turn up – you know the sort: wannabe griefers, out to shock, annoy and generally disrupt proceedings. The sort who fire off IMs demanding you come back to their place for a spot of hide the prim sausage, or try everything in their power to wind up the regulars – something that rarely, if ever succeeds.

You see, this is a club that has no need of banning or muting. Instead, the obnoxious and badly behaved are summarily despatched by a combination of good humour and mockery!

Just a normal Friday night

Just a normal Friday night

Want to throw insults and diatribe at us? Feel free. Within our midst we have black belts in the art of punitive put-downs, outrageous dialogue and acerbic wit, and believe me, they love a challenge and a bit of fresh meat! Fancy flirting? Carry on sunshine… we’ll happily ridicule your puny attempts to win us over, and are quite likely to broadcast your dirty little messages and pictures to the whole assembly! Bent on belittling us? Beware – i know of few places in sl that can boast such an educated, diverse and intelligent gathering – take us on at your peril. Attention whore? You’ve yet to learn the sheer power of being completely and utterly ignored by a room full of people!

It’s hilarious when someone does try to upset the apple cart – we’re more than capable of despatching the most obnoxious of intruders, whilst barely missing a beat of our usual Friday night camaraderie.

Take the jerk who decided to stage his own single-handed invasion – a very badly thought out one, at that – just recently. Our intruder appeared in the middle of the dancefloor, dressed head-to-toe in combat gear and armed to the teeth. Studiously ignoring our cheerful greetings, he stalked menacingly around the club, before dropping to one knee and producing a bazooka – presumably to take us all out, (not in the romantic meal style of being ‘taken out’, you understand). In any normal club, this might have earned some stern words from the proprietor, a good hard slap of the wrist and maybe a summary ejection… not on this occasion. Instead we mocked him mercilessly, ignored his posturing magnificently and treated him with the disdain a naughty little boy would receive:

[14:52]  Poppy: smacks Markus’s ears

markusPoor chap – i almost felt sorry for him; a glance at his profile left me in no doubt that he was, (well thought he was), a force to be reckoned with. My German isn’t so good, but anyone whose profile boasts: “When war comes fight back to the finish and win, take no prisoners, they’ll learn their lesson”, must be a scary person. To underline his scariness, the picture of a snarling Rottweiler in his picks was a nice touch, although the impact was somewhat undermined by being located at The Ivor Novello, Welsh Pub and Shopping!

Finally, after attempting unsuccessfully to despatch us – we were far more interested in the music and banter than being blown to smithereens – he stamped his foot and, with lip trembling and a tear in his eye, declared:

[14:59] markus Tailleur: cant rez here you will pay for this just wait pussys keep one eye open at all times
[15:00] Serendipidy Haven: oooh scary
[15:00] Serendipidy Haven quakes

Bless him.

It was only afterwards that it struck me what a much better world this would be if we could deal with all the warmongering despots and troublemakers in rl as we can in sl. Who knows… one day, perhaps?


s. x

Bullets for your brain today
But we’ll forget it all again
Monuments put from pen to paper
Turns me into a gutless wonder
Manic Street Preachers – If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next

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