Yesterday I considered some of the stereotypical inhabitants of SL – those round holes that us square pegs somehow manage to squeeze ourselves into, albeit with judicious application of a lump hammer. Today I conclude my analysis, so if you haven’t yet found your inworld niche, read on… You may discover where you belong!
Roleplayers in SL are on a mission – however, the mission they think they’re on is not really it. Whilst they may think their sole purpose in SLife is to harvest new souls for the blood brotherhood, barter at the market for the best slaves, wriggle around in latex gimp suits at their mistresses’ pleasure or prance around the fields of the virtual countryside as their own little pony, what they’re really out to do is to drive home to all non-Roleplayers that SL is deadly serious business. To us, SL is fun, but – for goodness’ sake – don’t try explaining that to a Roleplayer. If you really want to find out just how serious these guys are, try wandering into the middle of a Gorean RP sim in a bikini, and fire off your favourite giggle gesture at the top of your voice… But don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Despite the name, this category is open to both sexes, and for that matter, furries and non-human species of any kind. Typically, Drama Queens are the big kid at school who used to steal your dinner money and give you Chinese burns, now you’re all growed up and have achieved a modicum of success and self-actualisation, whilst they’ve turned into cellar-dwelling, sub-humans with no hope, no prospects and no-one left to steal dinner money from, they seek solace from creating the illusion in their own minds that SL revolves around them. The best way to put a Drama Queen in their place is to tell them you’re a Linden, then refuse to become their friend. Drama Queens can be fun to watch when they go into meltdown – just make sure you bring beer and popcorn.
We are all Noobs. Yes even you, after all these years.
I Want to do teh Sex
Well, we all do at first – who wouldn’t – but eventually, most of us settle down to ‘normal’ SLives, with the occasional furtive fumble under the pixel covers thrown in to spice things up. There is however a fairly large (in every way) contingent of SL residents for whom there is only one thing worth doing inworld, with anyone, any time and in eye-poppingly perverted ways. The natural habitats for Teh Sexy Ones are those locations regularly posted on rather more popular blogs than this one as being amongst SL’s most popular destinations – usually accompanied by panic stirring statements that SL is dying and it’s all our fault for not admitting that pixel rumpy pumpy makes the virtual world go round. The common denominator amongst all serial procreants is their unerring ability to be wholly ignorant of human body proportions – everything is bigger and wobblier than the laws of nature and physics would ever tolerate in RL, and they’re probably the wrong colour too!
There’s a common misconception in SL that the Lindens are in charge. No… I’ll start again: There’s a common misconception in SL that the residents are in charge. Actually, that’s wrong too… It’s common knowledge in SL that the Land Barons are in charge, and there’s nothing we can do about it. What is quite definitely true is that ever since it was possible to own tracts of land inworld, there have been Land Barons, hovering vulture-like ready to snap it up, and regurgitate it back out to lesser mortals at vastly inflated prices. This is no different to RL, and if you do ever meet a Land Baron inworld, take a picture because it’s the closest thing to reality you will ever see in SL.
Maybe you’re feeling left out because I’ve left you out. ‘What about the Tinies?’ I hear you shriek in your tiny, shrill voices; ‘You’ve forgotten the Artists!’ you cry. Well, I can only apologise, but let’s face it, this is a blog not Wikipedia and it wouldn’t take long before we all grew terribly bored with this line of enquiry. However, if you’re still lacking a hole into which you may insert yourself, then please feel free to identify with Mr/Ms A N Other – a bucket group that encompasses all. Whatever your type, flavour, identity, leanings or grouping, this is where you’ll find others who are similar to you. Coming to think of it, isn’t that SL summed up perfectly?
Well, who are you?
I really wanna know
Tell me, who are you?
‘Cause I really wanna know
The Who – Who Are You?