A little privacy please?

recluseI’ve written before, on numerous occasions, about my fondness for keeping myself to myself and being terribly antisocial. I’m essentially the same both in SL and RL, probably more so in the real world, if I’m honest. On this side of the keyboard, I’m an extremely private person who jealously guards my time and space against any intruders, in whatever form they may present themselves.

Visitors to Casa Haven are few and far between, and only ever by way of invitation – don’t ever call round on the offchance I may be in, I simply won’t open the door to you – I may even hide behind the sofa or crouch behind a cupboard, just in case you glimpse movement indoors. If you do happen to receive one of those elusive invitations to call round and share a movie and a pizza, even then it’s not all plain sailing. I’ll happily enjoy your company for a while, but eventually you will have outstayed your welcome – as the evening wears on, in my mind I’ll be willing you out of the door, and every extra cup of tea that you elect to stay for will exponentially raise the chances of said tea being adulterated with a good helping of hemlock to speed you on your way.

My time and my space are both very precious to me; I am an orderly, logical person, and I really resent having my orderly, logical life messed up and interfered with at the whims of another. I like to do my own thing, in my own way and in my own good time – and if anyone should happen to impose on that part of my life, it really does mess with my head and causes me a wealth of stress… And I am not the sort of person who otherwise succumbs easily to stress.

It is pretty stressful at the moment.

light1_001I have family staying with me: Whilst, in so many ways, it’s lovely to have them here, it is also driving me slowly insane. It doesn’t help that they are staying for an indeterminate amount of time – anything from a few weeks, to several months! (I’m on day 3, so far). In consequence, I’ve had to clear out my studio to make another bedroom, (they weren’t happy with being allocated the box room), and suffer the daily trauma of negotiating bathroom rights, disrupted mealtimes and NEVER HAVING A MOMENT’S TIME TO MYSELF!

They mean well, but they have no concept whatsoever of privacy, personal space or independence. It doesn’t matter if I’m working, surfing the net, reading a book, hiding in my bedroom, or messing about in SL – within a short space of time, a face will appear hovering over my shoulder, a preface to the inevitable question: “What are you up to?”

Even the little, well-meaning offers of help and assistance are driving me bonkers…

  • No thanks, I’m happy to do my own ironing;
  • No thanks, I don’t need a meal on the table when I arrive home;
  • No thanks, I don’t want a cup of tea;
  • No thanks, I’m quite capable of doing the hoovering;
  • Thanks, but I was going to hang the washing out myself;
  • No thanks, I don’t want a game of cards, I’m, perfectly happy carrying on what I’m doing on my own, (which, by the way, I don’t watch you participating in)

Do I sound ungrateful? Well, I won’t deny that’s how I feel – I am an extremely independent, self-centered, self-sufficient person and if I want something, I’ll ask!

I can’t even escape into SL… Either I’ll have someone peering over my shoulder asking me what I’m doing, or I’ll feel guilty because being sat on the other side of the room, wearing headphones and completely absorbed in something else entirely is definitely not the ideal way to behave once you’ve passed the age where you can be considered a moody teenager. So, for a while, my forays inworld are likely to be few and far between, and very much less than satisfactory – a most unfortunate state of affairs.

Weirdly, this whole situation has had a rather unexpected effect… It’s made me want to spend time in the company of others!

s. x

Solitude sometimes is
The place that I would like to live
Solitude sometimes is
When nothing really seems to fit
Manic Street Preachers – Solitude Sometimes Is

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