Sleepless in…

I’m not feeling at my best this morning: there’s a few reasons – it’s my first day back in work after a couple of weeks off, I not a morning person anyway, I’m never at my best on a Monday, today is an early start, and – the main reason – last night was one of those nights when, no matter what I tried, I simply couldn’t get off to sleep.

It was too hot, to begin with, which is never a good thing, but mainly my brain was just too active to allow me to drift off. The more I tried, the more conscious of being awake I was, and the more annoyed with myself I became. So I ended up, uncomfortable and irritated, but most of all, tired yet unable to sleep.

I know all the strategies, of course: Getting up and doing something productive, sitting down with a cup of tea, finding something to absorb my attention and occupy my mind… The only trouble being that all of these are counter-intuitive, and when the thought foremost in your mind is that you have to be up early in the morning to get to work on the first day back after a fortnight, the last thing you’re inclined to do is put the theories to the test and risk not getting any sleep at all, when at least if you stay in bed, there’s got to be some chance that at some point you’re going to succumb if for no other reason than sheer exhaustion.

I hold SL entirely responsible for last night’s sorry state of affairs too! Pretty much all of the brain fog plaguing me through those sleepless hours was entirely related to the virtual world.

I’ve been spending a fair amount of my time inworld during the past week working on a couple of new builds, both entirely different and each posing their own unique challenges. I’d devoted a decent chunk of Sunday to texture creation, and then during the evening, incorporating those textures into my inworld creations, one of which is how around 80% complete. Unfortunately, on this particular occasion, rather than leave the remaining 20% for the next appropriate opportunity, my brain decided that the most reasonable time for further consideration of the complexities of texturing, layout and the challenges of building was throughout the course of the night – a time more properly disposed to rest and sleep.

I wouldn’t have minded so much if this had turned out to be one of those super-creative and productive all night sessions, but it really wasn’t too be. Apart from the odd bit of useful thinking I can’t say that I’m much further advanced in achieving my final goals than I was when I downed tools and logged out yesterday. Certainly, not all of the valuable sleep time I’d sacrificed was entirely wasted – I did have a couple of decent ideas last night, but nothing that I feel particularly pleased about losing sleep over, and given the choice, I’d have rather saved it for a more appropriate time.

If anything though, it’s likely to be somewhat counter-productive because my enthusiasm for making further progress is likely to be curbed by the inevitable fatigue that I know will kick in when I next try to settle down and get in with my projects, (unless, that is, I fall asleep in work today… Always a possibility!)

Perhaps, what I should have done, rather than try and struggle through the night in the vain hope of finding sleep, would be succumb to the call of the keyboard, log in and crack on turning those churning thoughts into results. Who knows: If I’d taken that approach instead, maybe now I’d have one completed build and another well on the way?

I’d like to think that’s what would happen, but I have a sneaking suspicion that’s not at all how things would have worked out and the more likely scenario is that, come this morning, you’d have found me bleary-eyed, slumped in front of the computer, an 80% completed build on the screen, and me feeling a whole lot worse than I do right now.

Sometimes, I guess you just have to accept that even when things don’t turn out quite as you’d want them to, it may well be for the best.

And that’s especially true when it comes to dealing with SL!

s. x

Deep in the bosom of the gentle night
Is when I search for the light
Pick up my pen and start to write
I struggle, fight dark forces
Faithless – Insomnia

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